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Your Cheating Heart
Stories of Infidelity From The Heartland And Elsewhere
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Cheating Story #94-34298B39
One more story before I wrap it up for the day...


After ten years of marriage I guess we'd hit that plateau that so many married couples stumble over. Life didn't hold a lot of surprises for either of us and I suppose that the human mind needs more stimulation than just the day-t0-day business of living. Work and family, friends and housework; it was all getting pretty routine.

We both ran for exercise and mental rejuvenation, but my wife was much more competitive about it than I. I was clear about why I ran - it was to get away from people, not to be around them. She, on the other hand, wanted to spend every weekend traipsing from this race to that. We tried running together, but my 7 min/mi pace was too fast for her, and her 8 min/mi pace was too slow to keep my interest. When we did run together, she nagged the whole way and that's exactly what I was working to avoid. She joined a runner's group at the local "Y" that had formed mostly to train for a very popular 10 mile run in the area. One day, she came home and announced over the dinner table that she was going to start competing in marathons. That's nice. Not that big a deal to me since I did between 20 and 25 miles every Sunday.

Her training schedule called for lots of early morning runs with the group and weekends were no exception. I adjusted my schedule and took care of the house and kids while she trained - not a problem. We were partners, after all.

Well, over a period of maybe two months I slowly became aware that she was spending more time on the phone in the evenings and also that when I answered the phone, there were more hangups. Although I didn't have any concrete suspicions I looked at the phone bills for the past few months and sure enough, there were a lot of calls to a certain Dave who lived on the other side of town so that calls got logged as local long distance. Hmm.

A little detective work and I found out a bit about him and, better yet, about their trysts. Those Saturday and Sunday morning runs were done from his house and the members of the running group were more than happy to tell me that they hadn't seen either of them there for a while.

The next weekend I had the oldest child watch things and I drove over to his apartment. The door wasn't locked and I was able to stride into his room and catch them in mid stroke. One nice touch was the video camera I carried. Mission accomplished, I left without saying a word.

Later, when she came home, there was the obligatory shouting match and lots of tears. Oh well, next time don't make it so damn easy to catch you. In the final analysis, if it had just been sex, I guess I wouldn't have minded that much. I could have worked that to benefit me as well. But she went and fell in LOVE with Davey. Beginner's mistake, that.

I'm so proud of the mother of my kids I could just shit.

You Feel: blah blah
You're Listening To: Foo Fighters - Everlong

10 Cheater's Stories SO What's Your Story?
Comments
hakuai From: hakuai Date: May 19th, 2004 10:26 am (UTC) (Link)

Question

Are you two still together? Had you been unfaithful prior to her? Did she know?
jeffjustin From: jeffjustin Date: May 19th, 2004 07:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

No.
My marriage collapse like a skyscraper in an 10.1 quake - a series of violent lurches leading to a progressive failure of the essential supports.

Yes.
A career weekend musician, I had more than ample opportunity to meet other women, many of whom were interested in a quick fling. I took a couple up on the offer over the years. But it was just sex. I choose to philander with women who didn't want me for anything but sex, and knowing my place, I returned the favour.

I don't know.
I don't think she did, and during our protracted and grinding divorce, she never once threw that back into my face. Since she was in that space where she was throwing everything bad I'd ever done in my face, I would assume that she would have thrown that too, if she knew.
hakuai From: hakuai Date: May 20th, 2004 03:57 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

I often wonder about women that get caught and I especifically say women because they are usually the ones that pay more attention to detail so there is always a thought in my mind that they wanted to get caught.

I am not a physical cheater per say. My mind wonders as do my eyes (I work in an 80% male dominant bodybuilding gym, a hard core gym not a Bally's) since I see lots of boys that train for competitions and often do their routines in their undies...well I am human damn it. But I have not cheated, I could and I have had offers but its an ego thing more then a respect for others type of thing, which makes me wonder if its any better.

As of late I find myself becoming more physically aroused around attractive men then before, I have always been able to admire beauty and appreciate it but not been turned on. I have a very week sex life, my libido is much higher then that of my significant other and he also drinks on a daily basis making him a working alcoholic with a vodka dick. I fear my urges, I love him but I women needs to be on top once in a while damn it!
jeffjustin From: jeffjustin Date: May 20th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

I read this early today and I wanted to respond but I had to get to work.

Do you see cheating as inevitable in your relationship? Do you feel it is only a matter of time? Do you think it's any different for a woman to cheat than a man?

Damn, I'm sorry for asking so many questions and being so nosy. Tell me to shut up if you need to. I won't be offended. I tend to live a fairly open life, and I always assume that others do as well.

I think that everyone who gets caught has a hand in getting caught. I suspect that's just how we humans are. Things don't generally happen to us - we make them happen. And I think in the case of my ex, getting caught was just her way of creating the circumstance in which she could destroy our marriage. Yes, I think she wanted to be caught. The times I've cheated, I honestly didn't care if I got caught.
hakuai From: hakuai Date: May 21st, 2004 04:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

I don't think I can answer your question as far as cheating... reason being is because regardless of my life experiences (with men and with life itself) I am a true blue optimist and always believe in the best of people, not to the point of "expecting" any kind of specific behavior, I think this is the only reason why I don't really ever become disillusioned. I believe in humankind, I think there is a small group of people that are truly devoted blindly to each other and have been able to make things work without taking life so personally and seriously.

As far as thinking that the reasons men and women cheat are different? No I don’t, but I can only speak for myself. I think one of the main reasons as to why I have not physically cheated is because of what I said before, ego and because in all honesty, I HATE condoms and am a germ phoebe. I had never had sex with anyone (after the age of 18) without testing for STD and HIV, therefore eliminating any kind of one niter’s or first encounters sex. I sound like a ton of fun I know; I am an extremely sexual person, I enjoy sex, love it, and poses a very open mind to it, I enjoy it all with the exception of swinging or same sex , I love men…love love love everything about them, even though group sex porn turns me on, I don’t find the female anatomy something appealing to me.

You can ask away, I am pretty open.

As far as your cheating behavior, do you think it was caused by a negative experience? I mean where you hurt in this way? Or do you think it maybe a learned behavior? I know many people that cheat because their fathers would take them to their “girlfriend’s” house and tell them to not say anything to their mom. Do you think you have a negative feeling towards women? I am sorry is I am getting to personal, I am by no means judging you, I am just wondering what would cause someone to become to emotionally unattached. In my personal experience I become unattached to avoid being hurt and always seem to sabotage relationships, so I was wondering if you ever felt that way.


jeffjustin From: jeffjustin Date: May 21st, 2004 07:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

I ask those questions because I think an unexamined life isn't worth living - even if some of the things examined are unseemly. The yin and yangness of life has always captivated me.

I cheated because I grew up with chaos at home and that caused me to make some choices that pushed me down that path. My dad didn't take me to girlfriends houses - he molested me for 5 - 6 loverly years. Mum was just neglectful in her inaction to stop it. Both of them were too busy making BIGBUX to care what damage they inflicted on me. I left home at 15 and have never looked back. But, from an early age, that attachment you talk about has been difficult, if not impossible for me to master. I've married twice, divorced twice. Anymore, I conduct mutliple relationships in parallel and am very open about my intent to do so. I am brutally honest with them and with myself.

I don't think negatively about women in general - you're just people after all. I have had some very troubling/troubled relationships with women, more so than with men, but I suppose that's because of the sometimes sexual nature of those relationships.

I find it somewhat easier to be friends with women than men, mostly because they're more willing to talk about the emotional side of life, and that's always been something I've needed to do to stay sane. Many, not all, of the men friends I've had have been spectacularly unable to carry on those discussions. But given my past, it's not hard to see why my "male bonding" scripts are just plain broken.
hakuai From: hakuai Date: May 21st, 2004 09:31 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

Being molested as a child I can understand where you are coming from. In my situation I was molested by my grandfather to whom we are still very close with. I was very young but aware that the touching was not proper and told my mother, he was confronted by her but for some strange reason everyone in my family decided to pretend it never happened. Several years and failed suicide attempts later made me go in to home for teenagers where I was able to seek professional help and deal with my issues. I confronted my mom and she explained that she thought that by not pressing on the problem I would have forgotten (I was 4) I was able to deal with my anger towards her and then I confronted my grandfather who apologized and cried until exhaustion. Thus this does not take back what had happened it did help me understand my anger better and analyze the decision I take in life.

Do you have children? if I may, how old are you? I too have a problem trusting me, especially since I have children of my own and guard my kids in a way not common. I am not with someone that is not their father, he is a good man but I never leave my children with anyone...my mom sometimes and that is for a couple of hours.
jeffjustin From: jeffjustin Date: May 21st, 2004 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

Yes, molestation - the gift that gives for generations. Between the sexual, physical and verbal abuse I suffered at his hands I'm surprised sometimes that I'm not in some far off institution.Mine stopped because by age 8 or 9, I was big enough to cause some damage with my fists and feet, and I never once gave in willingly.

Yes, I have children, a daughter and a step-daughter who I met when she was 3. I, too, have been very protective of my kids. I've also made sure that I've raised them to take care of themselves. I made sure I broke the chain of direct abuse, but the impact it had on me obviously has affected who I am and that, in turn has had an impact on my kids. They're both fine and doing well, One's a creative-type (mostly photography) and expecting her first with her musician significan other in August and the other's in college on an athletic scholarship.

My age? I'm in my fifties, although after I hit thirty, I sorta started feeling ageless. I don't fit well with others my age because most of 'em seem really old to me. I still play music and still date 4 - 5 nights a week, and I live a high-energy lifestyle that most people my age seem to have abandoned. One of the women I'm dating now is 24 and sometimes she has trouble keeping up with me. I keep waiting for age to catch up with me, but every year it just doesn't happen. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'll probably get hit by a bus tomorrow.
hakuai From: hakuai Date: May 23rd, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

" I still play music and still date 4 - 5 nights a week" most people in their 30's can not keep up with you, what instrument do you play? since I have knowledge of self I've been wanted to be a drummer, a percussionist actually.

I have often wonder if some people I born to be alone...not lonely mind you, just alone, or if they are made that way. I believe I am one to need to live alone, but I have always wondered how this would affect my elderly life, if I would live to regret it. I enjoy being alone, but I hate being lonely.
From: cheater_guide Date: May 23rd, 2004 10:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Question

I mostly play bass guitar, but also play drums, guitar and some hokey keyboard songs. I've been playing since I was a teen and have played just about every kind of music I can imagine. I just moved out here to California about 5 months ago and haven't hooked with any other musicians here yet. I will change that.

I like to stay busy. TV and idle time are not friends of mine. Old habit.

For myself, I made peace with wanting to be alone a long time ago - probably before I got married. I'm not lonely - I make sure of that. I'm a very outgoing and sociable person. But, I do live alone and enjoy it. My lack of interest having a live-in or marriage relationship has been the stumbling block with a number of women I've known, but, so be it.
10 Cheater's Stories SO What's Your Story?