September 10th, 2004 09:00 am (UTC)
O.k. here is my cheating story.............
Sorry for the anonymous post..I needed to get this off my chest and well here I go.I'm interested in your perspective
My father had a massive stroke had a quarter of his brain removed and at that time I was pretty stressed out.In fact was slightly crazy about life and death and stuff in general.Anyways, my boyfriend works nights and doesn't really put out enough so I needed a distraction.I really wasn't sure what I wanted from this guy, it was basically heavy petting, necking, whatever.He kept stressing that he didn't want to have sex, well the first time we fooled around he did and then..later he didn't want to.This went on for about 2 months and he eventually said I should leave my boyfriend.He made all kinds of sensitive offers wanted me to move in with him, and cried when I said I couldn't have a future because of his vasectomy.In the end I dumped my boyfriend and slept with him for the first time.He then jumped out of bed freaked out and said "it was all happening to fast and I had to leave him alone, he needed space."
He didn't call me for a week and said I had just gotten out of a relationship and it was to soon and that he wanted to take care of his son more( has joint custody with his ex.)We hung out once after that he played all kinds of romantic music and talked about finding the one, it hurt like hell.
I pretended not to care.Eventually I emailed him professing my love to him, he never replied, I did get back together with my boyfriend.I stopped going places he and I both frequented for two months then after a while.I grew angry and just said that he was a jerk ya da ya da..in an email.
Then finally 5 months later I saw him and missed him, I emailed him telling him I was sorry, which was a bit silly and that I missed him.During the two months we hung out it felt so honest and open and free.But then near the end he was saying things like I don't tell more than one person what's really going on with me.You have to be superficial people can't handle the truth.He also said he acted weird with me and he was glad to go back to his other friends.
All during this time my dad was in the hospital then released with his balanced removed the damage was severe.Friends say that he was an asshole, because they saw how vulnerable I was at that time.I'm not sure what to make of it, of him why he left? what motivated it? this emoish boy in sheeps clothing had me thinking that we we're matched perfectly.So for one I feel guilty for doing it? but should I? I learned my lesson and certainly suffered.SEcondly, the fact that he terminated the relationship hurt? and effected how I felt about my physical appearance.Thirdly, I don't like that my boyfriend was decieved.Fourthly, I'm afraid he will find out but it's been a year.I've actually been hiding from all people that know him.He may be leaving town, he told me during the time together that he'd go to art school in a town 300 miles away.I saw him on Sunday at an outdoor market I work at.He knows I'm there, I wondered if he wanted to talk I ran away for half an hour.
I still have mixed feelings about him.Because some part of me wants to write a script that works, where the ex affair guy loves me and cares for me.He apparently doesn't keep friend's out of site out of mind, but he looked forward to me coming to visit him when he went to art school.We're not college age we're in our late twenties and early thirties just to give you a bit of a picture.I'll check back for responses.